Monday, September 22, 2014

A Writer's Train of Thought

Ever wonder where a writer gets story ideas?

Short answer: Everywhere.

Long answer: More of everywhere.

Last week, I shared my Google search history and it was fun, right? So this week, I'm continuing the whole "a day in the life of a writer" thing by giving you a peek into the randomness that goes on in my mind. Be prepared to be amazed.  Or confounded. Horrified. Pick your adjective, any adjective. 

So here we go. My thoughts as I ate dinner last night:

Ugh, dieting is hard. And expensive. No wonder rich people are usually skinny. They can afford to buy all fancy organic stuff. And they probably pay nutritionists to slap their hands when they try to eat ice cream.

That would kind of suck. I like ice cream. 

I wonder if a nutritionist would slap my hand for these sweet potato fries. Probably. But do I care? Nope. Not at all. Take that celebrity nutritionists. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Hey, do those nutritionists also go grocery shopping for the celebrities? Or do celebrities go pick up their own milk and bread like everyone else? I didn’t see any celebs in the grocery store when I was in L.A. Buuuut it was like, ten o’clock at night and nobody but me goes grocery shopping that late. That's why I go. I'm anti-social and want to run into as few people as possible, remember?

Yeah, but do like… Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt pack up their brood of kids and take them to the store? It’d be kinda weird to work as a bagger at a grocery store celebrities frequented. What if you had to bag Angelina Jolie’s tampons? That's more information than I want to know about her. I bet that kind of personal info can be found on the deep web, put there by skeesy grocery store baggers. And, no, Tonya. You are not going to Google that. You get in enough trouble on Google. 

Or, ew, what if Brangelina bought condoms and you had to bag those? You know they’re not gonna use them. Or maybe they will and just adopt more kids.

Man, those kids of theirs are lucky.  Just think of the lives they might have led in their home countries had they not been adopted. Instead of nutritionists monitoring everything they eat, they could have gone hungry. To go from nothing to everything like that...Wow. That’s powerful stuff. I should write that down. It'll make a good story. Yeah, I can see a heroine adopted by a celebrity couple, and then when she grows up, she goes back to her home country for some humanitarian cause and gets caught up in all kinds of bad. And then my HORNET guys can swoop in and save the day in their usual bull dowser-y way. Of course, then one of them will have to fall in love with her, but which one...? 

Crap. I'm out of sweet potato fries. Screw my non-exisitant nutritionist. I'm getting seconds.

And there you have it, folks. The birth of a plot bunny.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

A Writer's Google History

Ever hear a writer joke about ending up on a government watch list? Ever wonder why that's a legitimate concern for most writers?

Well, for one thing: Google. We use it. A lot. And we look up a whole lotta random shit.

I swear I've never pretended I was a carrot

I mean, I go from reading up on frozen conflict zones, to looking at adorable pictures of soldier daddies with their babies, to searching for the perfect comic book reference, to asking Google how to cook up ANFO. (I am definitely on a NO FLY list for that last one. I'm sure of it.)

The TSA next time I fly: Romance writer? We don't think so.
You've been chosen for a random pat down/feel up/cavity search.

So, for fun, here's a sample of my Google search history this week as I finished Broken Honor.

  • Russian girl names
  • Russian swear words
  • Crimea conflict
  • military lingo
  • MREs
  • Image search of vineyards at winter
  • Image search of traditional Moldovan homes
  • Image search of sexytimes inspiration (waaaaaay NSFW. Good think I work at home.)
  • Image search of babies with the soldier daddies (so much awww!)
  • Does concrete set during the winter?
  • How to make a bomb out of fertilizer? 
  • ANFO
  • U.S. Air Force base locations
  • Fetus size at 5 1/2 months pregnant
  • Due date calculator
  • Spouse's rights in a serious medical situation
  • Quotes about honor/enemy/war
  • Quotes with the word "broken" in them
  • How do SEALs keep their gear/weapons dry? (Answer: condoms. Who knew?)
  • Brain trauma
  • Fugue states
  • Can tampons stop bleeding from bullet wounds? (I had been told by a former Delta Force medic that yes, they carried tampons to stop bleeding, but I wanted to double check.)
  • Hospitals in Germany
  • Food & drink in Moldova
  • Moldova & Transnistria history
  • sex clubs in Transnistria
  • sex trafficking in Transnistria
  • comic book characters, specifically any who dig or work in tunnels 

And there you go. A week in the life of this writer's search history. And because I'm sure Google groans every time I show up with a new question, I'll leave you with these hilarious "If Google was a Guy" videos. You're welcome.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Harvard's Nerdy T-shirt of the Week: Classically Trained

Harvard says: Geeks never forget their first gaming system and I have a big soft spot for NES. I still pull it out from time to time and get my Super Mario Bros on.

Tonya's Store

View more gifts at Zazzle.